Years ago Danny, a boy with a naughty glint and a wayward manner, convinced my skinny teenage brother to eat an entire bag of self-raising flour and a tin of treacle – he claimed that once eaten it would swell up and make his muscle bulge like Popeye in a spinach factory….

In reality the only change was that his poo came out in interesting snowman shapes for the next month. The fool.

Ok, so perhaps my brother wasn’t the smartest banana in the bunch, but this, for me, still remains one of life’s great lies and leaves me in no doubt that it is possible to talk a person into doing pretty much anything. It was with this in mind that I took my chum Polly in hand and set about convincing her that she should listen to my words of wisdom.

You see this woman has awful taste in men, awful. She always goes for the sporty / no brains type despite the fact that she is smart as a pin, so every relationship ends in disaster.

However, a couple of weeks ago it dawned on me that a colleague of mine – who is neither sporty nor a dumbass – would be absolutely perfect for her. They share a sense of humour, they both enjoy political banter and they are both thoroughly nice people (don’t tell her I said that, I like to tease!). The only issue being that Polly wouldn’t usually give him a second glance.

Like Cilla on a caffeine rush, I immediately went into overdrive trying to convince Pol that they should go on a date – I regaled with tales of his humour and wit. I conveyed his knowledge and principles. I even fibbed about his ‘astonishing’ six-pack and guns. But still, to no avail.

It was only when I pointed out that it might link her up with a whole new group of people, some of whom were bound to enjoy brawling on a rugby pitch and drinking beer from the ass crack of their fellow team-mates, that she reluctantly agreed – the weirdo.

So they went out. Dinner and drinks. You know, the usual…

Well, the usual except that they got on so well they were out till 4am, laughing, dancing and snogging! Now here we are, some 5 dates later and there is absolutely no stopping them. It’s all you can do to prise betwixt them and reach for your slimline tonic!

That’s the good thing about mates, you may not realise it but sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. So, next time one of them tries to convince you to go out with some random plebotron, bite the bullet and accept. It really might be worth the punt – but if they present you with a big bag of flour and a spoon, I wholeheartedly recommend that you politely, but firmly, decline.

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