I’ve been writing these weekly blog entries for a while now. In the main they’ve consisted of snippets of advice, tales about my ludicrous love life or observations on the fabulous world of flirt.

But this is a situation I never expected to discuss…

I’ve developed a crush. An odd crush, a weird crush, a mental crush.

The chap for whom my heart (and loins!) burn is a gent I’ve known for several years and before now not so much as glanced in his direction.

The reason he’s never been on my radar is because I can’t stand him! He’s horrid – and not in a ‘badass rough round the edges’ type way. Nope. In a ‘he’s a complete moron, nobody can stand him, his mother should have left him in a box by the river’, type way.

Hereby follows a completely accurate description of the whazzbag:

• He thinks it’s funny to spit in my tea.

• He wears clothes straight from the 1980′s (he even owns an ET sweater!).

• His hero is Mrs Thatcher.

• He’s obsessed with body-building and insists on making me feel his ‘guns’.

• He walks around barefoot with his disgusting cloven hooves on show for the world to see.

• He’s cultivated a single, really long, fingernail that he’s grown solely for the purpose of picking his nose.

• In short; he’s selfish, childish, stupid and deeply deeply ugly.

So WHY, in the name of SuperTed, is he constantly on my mind?! No matter where I am – on a train, in the bath, up a mountain, suddenly, BAM, he pops into my mind and damned if I can shift him.

I’m even dreaming about him! Euuuhhkkk. It’s like being afflicted with some sort of bizarre disease.

I’m trying really hard to ignore it and not flirt with him, but I’ll catch myself, out of nowhere, complimenting his new stone-washed denim strides, or furiously twiddling my hair as he lectures me on the number of bench presses he can do. Grrrrrr.

What can I do!? On any other occasion I would fully encourage a bit of flirting, even if it’s with someone a little ‘unusual’ (because you never know who your ideal partner may turn out to be). But really! This guy? No way!

There’s only one thing for it. Put myself in a box, lock myself in a tower and wait for the feeling to pass. It may take days, it may take months, it may take years, but until this hideous turn of events has passed I cannot be trusted, because if there’s one truth I know, it’s that when I set my sights on a guy I rarely walk away empty-handed and this is one fish best left off the hook!

http://www.flirtomatic.com/DirtyToy91

Be Sociable, Share!

•