My belly extends out well past my tootsies; my brain feels like it’s been for a spin in the tumble dryer and my purse is bereft of even the smallest bean. That confirms it, the festive season is officially over and January, the month of doom, is well and truly here.

This must mean that for the next few weeks we shall all busy ourselves trying to live up to the ludicrous and unrealistic resolutions we drunkenly spouted to anyone within lug-shot around midnight on December 31st. Oh the misery. Endless evenings spent in the gym wearing a Lycra outfit so tight you resemble a human sausage. Avoiding the pub as if it homes Beelzebub himself just so you are not tempted by the pure evils of a crisp Sauvignon Blanc. Dragging your sorry eyes through one more tedious page of War and Peace after foolishly resolving to watch less telly and become more cultured. Roll on February when we can go back to being the fat, lazy boozehounds we know we really are.

But, in the spirit of the season, I thought I would let you in on the resolutions yours truly will be adhering to and, as you might expect, mine are less about gyms and detoxing and more about making the most of my favourite pastime. The good old-fashioned flirt!

So this… erhem… year, I will be following these new rules.

1. I will be more discerning about the gentle-fellows I choose to admire. A chiselled jaw and tight buns alone will simply not cut the mustard, this year I shall also demand a bit of savvy from my men.

2. I have a cracking set of norks, this is clear for the entire world to see, but they should not be my first line of attack. I shall instead hone my conversation skills and set about using this as a first tactic…however…

3. I will not terrify old age pensioners on the bus by trying out my new lines on them. One heart-attack victim in the name of research is quite enough for any girl.

Whether I stick to these resolutions, I suppose only time will tell. All I can promise is that the spirit is willing….the flesh, however, well that’s another matter! I suspect that when confronted by a knee-wobblingly handsome chap who acts like he’s had a serious wang on the noggin, my promises will turn to dust and within minutes I shall be flashing a cleavage even Jordan would be proud of.

I doubt that I am all on my onesies when it comes to upholding, for any length of time, the laws we lay down. As we all know, the true nature of resolutions can be aptly compared to hearts, promises and James Blunt singles – they were all made to be broken.

Happy Flirting to you all for 2008

http://www.flirtomatic.com/DirtyToy91

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