Aren’t emotional smotherers odd? Funny little creatures full of self-doubt and often with sweaty palms. Always afraid that they are going to end up alone they head into new relationships like a cheetah on speed. This is usually in the vane hope that this will solidify the situation and they won’t end up dying alone surrounded but 35 cats and a tin of cold beans.

In case you hadn’t gathered, I’ve recently met one of these crazy chaps.

We’d been dancing around each other for yonks, flirting ridiculously whenever we were together and making silly excuses to be in the same place at the same time, but never really taking it any further. Then, on a Monday night in a dodgy take-away, he leaned over the ketchup and kissed me. Well, it was so heavenly I dropped my battered sausage! Hoorah!

Or was it….

From that moment on this boy has been in my face. Every day he calls, every hour he emails and next weekend he wants to take me on a romantic break! Honestly I can’t turn a frickin’ corner without this joker being there.

It’s such a shame because I actually quite like him, but only on loony planet can I put up with these shenanigans! Who needs to be saddled with a soddin’ cling-on after one measly kiss? Not I, that’s who.

To be fair to him however, he has been single for a while now and I think he’s just eager to be in a relationship again. He clearly enjoys the closeness of having a partner and is zipping ahead about 6months and forgetting that the nervous ‘will he call, won’t he call’ bit is also fun. There’s nothing like that knee-wobblingly excitement in the times between dates.

And before you berate me for not taking my own advice – I did have a small natter with him about it rather than just dumping him on the spot. However, our opinions of the situation were rather dichotomous.

He chose to describe his loving behaviour as if it were a blanket; enveloping, warm and comfy, as if I should enjoy snuggling into it. I replied that it was more like a plastic bag; bloody suffocating and likely to see me (or him) in an early grave.

And then I dumped him. Idiot

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