Like a gigantic boil on the backside of a new lover, Valentines Day is impossible to ignore. Particularly for us Flirto-holics. Counting cards and collecting flowers becomes an all-encompassing activity come the morning of February 14th (or so we hope!)

So far my day has been pretty successful. I’ve had a card, some flowers (roses obviously) and I’ve got a hot date lined up for later – well at least I hope it’ll be hot I’ve had my undercarriage pruned specially!

However, a few of my girly chums are not having the same joy – and not necessarily because the postman hasn’t delivered any treats. Lucy, my pal with great pins but rotten toenails, has just started to see a new boy. They’ve been out about 5 or 6 times, so it’s going well but it’s not serious as yet. Usually, this wouldn’t cause concern, but she has spent the last few days fretting like a mental case about whether she should send him a card, or indeed a present.

It is a tricky mctricks situation. If he hasn’t sent a card to you, yet you’ve sent one to him you could feel a bit silly. However, if he’s gone all out on cards, presents, flowers and you’ve not bothered to get a dickie bird, oh boy do you look bad. And if you do buy him something, what should it be?! Heavens, the decisions are endless!

My recommendation to Lucy was thus. Buy something comedic but unmistakably sexual – perhaps one of those funny pens with the woman in a bikini that you turn upside-down to reveal her nakedness! It’s a little gift that doesn’t cost the earth, makes him laugh (always a winner), but could only be sent to someone whose undercrackers you want to remove with your teeth.

My other friend, Thelma, has accepted a dinner date with an ex-boyfriend, but she is confused as to whether she should let him pay for dinner.

After all, if a guy asks you out on Valentines Day it’s usually because he is interested in you. She has no interest in getting back together with him but letting him stump up for a posh meal may lead him to think otherwise. I reckon her best option is to ensure she mentions a new boy she fancies (she can lie about this of course) thus getting across the fact that the dinner is platonic, then see if he still offers and if so accept his generosity gracefully.

The dilemmas are endless. Valentines Day is a soppy old business and it can be a bit much for couples in the early stages. Confessions of undying love and endless affection have the potential to put the serious kibosh on a relationship, the very opposite of cupids intent! But whether you are single and loving it, with a long-term partner, or on the cusp of a brand new relationship adventure – screw the dilemmas and enjoy it. After all in a couple of hours it’ll be plain old February the 15th.

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