If you live in London or indeed one of the other many major cities that blight our green and pleasant land, you will very likely be familiar with the concept of the ‘daily commute’. A very special time of day when usual social parameters are thrown aside like so many MacDonald’s gherkins. Eye contact is strictly avoided for fear of being turned to stone. The concept of personal space becomes laughable as you frequently find your nose way too close to the nose of another – all too often forcing your nostrils to be invaded by the fetid breath of a man with a love of garlic and cigarettes, yet your choice is this or the rancid armpit of a morbidly obese whale woman.

It is despicable and I hate it.

However, I wonder if you, like me, have found your own special way to distract yourself from the thoroughly bummy nature of the situation.

I’ve discovered that because I always travel on the same train at the same time in the same carriage it is possible to build up a little flirtatious relationship with a total stranger. And what better way to start your day than with a little ‘wink-wink nudge -nudge’.

Of course the trick is to find the right guy. It’s worth changing your regular carriage once or twice to check out your options. And make sure you look at everybody – this is an occasion when all you have to worry about is appearance. You are never going to strike up a relationship with this person so you don’t need to concern yourself with their personality, their marital status, or their job. Just find a fitty.

Then, it’s all about subtlety. You don’t want to shove your genitals under their nose (what a horrid thought) or even start a conversation. It’s simply in the body language. And this is a slow burner.

Start by catching their eye….

Then catch it and hold it – just for a moment….

Hopefully you’ll get a reaction from them – a second look back at you being the clearest signal.

Gradually, over days, build up the looks to be more lingering and frequent and perhaps add a wry smile now and again. Be certain not to let anyone else spot it and make sure you head to a different carriage on hangover days. You need to look ravageable at all times!

If the train is really full you can try standing a bit closer together. The tension will be amazing. Being so close with a little secret between you yet not allowing yourselves to touch one another….. mmmm…. the air will sizzle.

Do make sure you are strictly hands off however, there is a name for people who rub themselves against strangers on trains and it isn’t good!

What a way to liven up the hideousness of a Monday morning though! Flirting with a stranger on your way to work has surely got to be up there with chocolate cheesecake and Lionel Ritchie as one of life’s greatest pleasures.

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