A gazelle bounding carelessly over desert plains on her long, lithe, legs.

A train of sweeping crushed silk, effortlessly chasing its bride.

A gentle summer breeze, softly plucking a velvety petal from its bud.

Never have any of these descriptions ever been used to describe the way I walk.

Great guffawing lump. Frequently.

Lurching danger to children and animals. Even more so.

But not once have I been described as elegant. Not once.

Up until recently my lack of co-ordination has been nothing more than another aspect of my being, just one more thing than make me different to the next ‘Susan Blonde and Curly’.

However, on my way to work last week I was lolloping along in my usual fashion when I happened (as I regularly do) to tread upon the heel of the poor soul walking in front of me. Well of course if you live in a big city then these occurrences are commonplace and so he didn’t even break his stride. That is, until I did it a second time,….and then a third!

At this point he swung on his ‘abused’ heels to stare at me. Eek. I of course cringed and apologised profusely. He nodded his acceptance and returned to his journey, phew,…. only for me to stooopidly do it again!

“Oh Lord, what evil crime did I commit in my previous life to deserve such punishment?”

He swung around and, shockingly, he smiled, ” I’m beginning to think you are doing this on purpose to catch my attention” . “No no no” I pleaded “It was an accident. I’m a clumsy idiot. I’m so sorry”

Fortunately he laughed and it seemed he really did think I had done it on purposed because he asked if I fancied buying him a coffee by way of an apology. Well on this occasion I made my excuses (mainly because he had the distinct odor of month old kebab about him) but it did give me sneaky little idea… oh yes, you guessed it – in the hope that I may meet a chap who smells somewhat sweeter I’ve spent the last few days treading on more heels than I could wave a sausage at!

So far I’ve only come across stony glares and one very aggressive jogger (perhaps running behind him for ten miles stepping on a heel every 500 metres was iota too much) but I’m sure that in principle it works!

So if you are stuck for a way to start a conversation with someone you spot on the street, why not engineer a small accident – don’t push them into oncoming traffic or anything, Heavens no, but try a few small nudges with your elbow, or, of course, the classic ‘heel scrape’. It could well be just the very thing to get you noticed.

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