1.Referring to my rather rotund chum as “Porky Mike” whilst he was standing behind me.

2.My bag falling open in front of my boss to reveal a ‘naughty toy’ I’d bought as a joke present.

3. Getting a very stern telling off for swearing from my boyfriend’s 90-year-old grandmother.

Just a small selection of embarrassing incidents from my life.

Flirting is to red-cheeks what manure is to gardening. When it comes to breeding embarrassment the potential and opportunity suddenly spring up out of nowhere.

Scurrying in and out of my own deep, dark, mental cellar of shame, I have retrieved, just for you, my very worst flirting embarrassment.

It was some years ago, but on this particular evening, I managed both the very best and very worst ‘pull’ of my entire life.

Spotting a man with the looks of a Spartan Warrior (and if you’ve seen the film ’300′ you will know just how hot that is!) I performed the classic ‘hold eye-contact’ move. Within minutes he was snared. He came over to chat but I could barely speak for my tongue lolling about stupidly. Nerves getting the better of me I thought I’d better have a bevvie to calm myself. One or two later and we were getting on famously.

When the bar closed and a few of my friends decided to head back to their flat for another drink he agreed to come along.

This, unfortunately, is where it all went wrong.

My chum James (whom to this day I have never forgiven) started proceedings by pouring me a very large vodka, I didn’t need it but you know how it is when you’ve had a couple, what you need and what you want are often very different things.

As if getting me to ‘stumbling point’ wasn’t bad enough he then whipped out his guitar and suggested a sing-a-long. Well this is of course all fine and dandy if you are just amongst friends, in fact there’s nothing I like more than a drunken rendition of Copa Kabana, but when you have just pulled the fittest guy in the universe this is the last thing you need.

It actually started off well enough, we sang a few tunes and the atmosphere was good. But then, the extra vodka kicked in.

I decided it was time to do my party piece, which essentially involves James playing Nirvana’s Nevermind whilst everyone sings along and I jump around the room like a headbanging idiot…. except this time, I decided to combine the headbanging with a small striptease.

So imagine, if you will, a drunken, blonde, curly-haired idiot jumping up and down insanely whilst removing all her clothes. The worst of it is, in my brain I thought ‘this jumping activity is the perfect opportunity for him to observe just how pert and firm my boobs are’ so I didn’t even stop at underwear. The bra was whipped off and thrown dramatically into his lap. Urk.

In my drunken stupor I of course failed to notice the look of horror on his face, it was only when I plopped, topless, onto his lap and attempted to snog him that he pushed me off, made an excuse and almost sprinted out of the door.

What an idiot.

So if you have embarrassed yourself in such a situation, rest assured you are not alone, we may not like to remember them frequently but we all have moments that are beyond cringeworthy. I hope my confession has made any of you with similar stories feel better.

But now I want to take this story, open the mental cellar door and fling it back down into the depths, never to be seen again.

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