We’ve all heard the old saying about checking out the parents to see what your partner will become in the future. Well, my dear friend Caroline is currently on bended knees praying to every god ever known to mankind that this adage is false. You see she has just met her potential in-laws for the very first time…. they could not have been more mental.

When they first arrived at the house and Tim introduced her to his father the first thing he mentioned was her dress. He said, “When I worked in the police force there was a really pretty hooker we’d arrest every week and she had a dress just like that”. Riiiight….

It’s as if he thought by mentioning that the prostitute was attractive, it would somehow make it a compliment. Bizarre.

Then, over tea and biscuits, his mother proceeded to do what all mothers do. She got out the old family pictures. However, she almost exclusively chose to show Caroline pictures of her man with his past girlfriends. Not only that, she banged on endlessly about the virtues of each and every one, even asking him, without shame, why he had “never married that lovely Sarah, because she was by far the best girlfriend of all”. It’s as if Caroline were totally invisible!

And finally, just as they left and she believed her hideous ordeal to be over, his father said, “Well goodbye then Caroline, it was nice to meet you but if my son’s track record is anything to go by I doubt we’ll ever see you again.”

What a delightful thing to hear. However many girls Tim had brought home in the past it wasn’t Caroline’s fault and she shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.

In fact I strongly suspect that many of the previous girlfriends had dumped Tim rather swiftly after meeting the poor boy’s parents, thus making them directly responsible for said ‘string of girls’.

We should of course keep in mind that pretty much all parents are odd in their own way. My Mum has certainly said some truly horrendous things in the past. But this is the very reason why we should only inflict ‘meeting the parents’ on ‘proper relationships’.

I don’t go about inviting boys willy-nilly to meet my olds, for most people these situations are awkward and certainly not what would be deemed as ‘fun’. Why in the name of SuperTed would you impose it upon some hapless sod unless you think there’s a good chance you’re going to end up together permanently?

In Caroline’s case I think the poor old stick has good reason to vow never to return to this house of Hades ever again. Not that I need to tell her this, Tim would have to get down on his knees to propose before she could be dragged back, …and even then she’d carry a flagon of Holy Water. Those parents are borne of pure evil!

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