A quick straw poll around my office revealed that most people’s favourite ‘flirting era’ turned out to be when they were studying. Either at school, college or university. Hmmm. Ok.

I can see how perhaps this could be the case – 80% of students are young and single, social boundaries are yet to be fully developed and there is always a common theme upon which conversation can be started. It’s the perfect arena.

So how come I look back on my time of studying, instantly drop to the floor, wither up, howl at the moon and actually, physically, die of embarrassment.

In high school I was yet to blossom into the… erhem,.. ‘ravishing beauty’ that stands before you today. Candyfloss hair, a body that was all elbows and knees and the most hideous Timmy Mallett style spectacles the world ever did see. As you can imagine this lead to a fair bit of teasing, so sensibly I avoided trying to chat up the fittest boys for fear of being laughed all the way to Loserville. Instead, I merely stalked them. Oh yes….

Philip Johns. Crepe Susette how I loved him! I stole his lesson plans and followed him every single step of the way to his classes. I even uncovered where he lived and spent weekends camped on the street, just out of sight, with a flask of orange squash, waiting for the precious moment he would come out of his front door on the way to the youth club. What an idiot.

By the time I had dealt with the disaster of high school and finally made my way to uni I had made the firm decision that I was nigh on obsessed with the male species (big shock). My physical appearance had become much less of an insult to mankind however and I had even learnt a few flirting skills along the way. But university was a different beast altogether. It was like being thrown into a barrel of hormones. There were so many new people a girl didn’t know which way to turn for the best! Just when you thought you were snogging the fittest guy ever, you’d meet somebody else, even hotter than them. My tongue undertook more mouth investigations than a doctor with a tonsil epidemic. Shameful.

But I suppose that for all its ups and downs I did learn a fair bit. Without the bad behaviour, the failed flirts and the dubious successes I wouldn’t have the knowledge I know now. So I suppose for all our complaining that Pythagoras Rule and the Periodic Table would be completely useless in the real world – as indeed they turned out to be Pythagoras Schmythagoras – there were one or two lessons worth learning.

I trust you, my lovely people, will join me in my role as a mature student for about as long as my tiny wee brain will keep sucking up the information. Now lets bring on the homework!

Be Sociable, Share!

•