Laura, a good friend of mine with perfect white teeth and an elegant jaw line, is a tactile old fish. There you’d be sat, in a decidedly blasé conversation about, say, the merits of a tuna topped baked potato, when she’d lay a hand upon your knee and give it a little sqqquuueeze or perhaps lovingly stroke the hair away from your forehead. Curious.

Having known this fine lady for a good few years I am comfortable with these random displays of physical affection. But by crikey did it catch me off guard to begin with.

The first time she laid a paw upon my thigh I flinched. Not because it was uncomfortable but because I’d only met her some 40 minutes previously. At this point she’d not mentioned her boyfriend and so I assumed that she was ‘making a move’. Well all the signs were there, she’d bought me a drink, shown an interest in chatting to me and then displayed a textbook sign of attraction. So at the earliest opportunity I nabbed the mutual friend who had introduced us and enquired as to whether Laura had an interest in my tuppence. Well of course she laughed so hard her bum nearly fell off. She knew all about Laura’s tactile behaviour and pointed out that she did indeed have a man and not to worry, it was just her quirky little way. Phew. I hate telling people I’m not interested (mainly coz I don’t do it very often) so this was a relief.

But this just goes to show that the way we physically interact with each other can easily be misinterpreted. Each and every ‘Idiots Guide to Flirting’ will always state that light touching and physical closeness are two clear signs that somebody wants a piece of your ass. But if my chum is anything to go by it seems that this may be a huge falsity. Perhaps anyone can enjoy a small grope of another’s upper thigh without envisioning them straddled bare bottomed over the kitchen table.

So from this we can conclude that; the hot chap who’s just come over to say hello and gently rubs the small of my back during conversation definitely likes me…unless, he doesn’t fancy me an inch and is just a smidge ‘free and easy’ with his hands. Pphhffff.

My advice? Make wild stabs in the dark and lunge at anyone you remotely fancy ignoring all advice about body language and ‘signals’. There’s no way we can ever figure this nonsense out. But by Christ lets make sure we have fun trying.

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