“She was so extraordinarily beautiful that I nearly laughed out loud. She was famine, fire, destruction and plague… the only true begetter.”

Not the words used to describe me last Friday morning as I stumbled into work with a hung-over face and a sausage sandwich hanging from my mush. Oh no. These are the extraordinary words of Richard Burton on catching first glimpse of Elizabeth Taylor.

And what words they are.

The passion, the intensity, the emotion. Wowzers.

Now, compare that to, “she’s got massive jugs” or any other equally unappealing description we so often hear from idiot boys preoccupied with their stiffies. It hardly invokes the same raw flames of desire as good old Dickie’s description does it?

For some kerazeee reason we all seem to be so hung up on appearing ‘weak’ or ‘coming on too strong” that we can’t verbalise our thoughts in a way that’s actually meaningful. Frankly my flirt loving friends, I think we are missing a trick.

I’d lay down cold hard cash that your average lady would be totally knocked off her feet were a man to describe her beauty in such a way. You’d certainly stand head and shoulders above the gaggle of lads all eager to chat her up with the same dull predictable lines!

Oh sure, I know you might feel like a bit of a dick professing your thoughts in such a romantic fashion, but I’m not suggesting you randomly approach every bird in the bar and repeat, verbatim, Mr. Burton’s words until somebody agrees to let you cop a feel. Heavens no, I’m just saying that if you have a genuine stirring in your heart (or indeed your loins), using some beautiful words and having the self –assurance to deliver them without embarrassment, is going to get you exactly where you want to be.

And if you are still worried that it’s going to make you look ‘weak’ then never fear chaps. Girls very much appreciate a smidge of vulnerability in a man, because believe me, there are plenty of lads out there who will, at the sight of a beautiful woman, happily expose their balls, but very few have the balls to expose themselves.

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