False Start

Were your parents strangers until your Dad rescued your Mum from the jaws of an angry badger? Were they both trying to grab the last tin of corned beef and as their paws touched electricity sparked?

Or was your Mum, as the Human League classic states, ‘working as a waitress in a cocktail bar’?

If you don’t know how your olds met, you should ask. If they’re still together you can bet your last bean there’ll be a story.

That’s the thing about long-term love, there’s always a ‘tale’. I don’t know whether interesting beginnings contribute to a relationship that lasts, or whether the passage of time warps our memories in order that we recall mundane meetings as unusual ones so they match the significance of the relationship. Unfortunately I’m no brain doctor, so I don’t have the answer.

Answer or not, I find it uber-interesting. So much so that I often lie about my own meetings. In 2008 I met men in the following scenarios: 1, escaping a runaway tractor. 2, a case of mistaken identity. 3, the final round of the National Sheepdog trials. Not a single one of these is true. Obviously. But it makes for an interesting response when people ask the inevitable ‘so, how did you two lovebirds meet’…

If you’re one of the gazillions of people who met (or are hoping to meet) on our dear old chum Flirtomatic, then never fear, there’s no reason why you have to share the same tale as all the other ‘Flirto couples’.

And here’s why.

Firstly, unless you prefer snuggling up under the duvet with a laptop instead of a human being, any successful relationship will clearly call for a time when you meet face-to-face. So the potential for pant-wettingly ridiculous tales borne of your first ‘in person’ meeting is vast.

Secondly, you could always follow my …erhem ‘impeccable example’ and lie. You don’t have to tell an enormous great whopper – after all, there’s nowt wrong with meeting online – but there’s always a cheeky little way to spice up the truth…

“ I was just searching for a new brand of pile cream called ‘Flirtoids’ and I stumbled across the site”

“I’d been flirting outrageously to this chap online for 3 months…and then I realized he was my next door neighbour”

“I only contacted her because her profile picture reminded me of the pet lizard I had as a child”.

However you meet, there is always a little nugget of amusement to be had, and there is absolutely no excuse to tell a mundane tale – because believe me, there’s enough of that dreary old balls in the world already.

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