Heeeeeeere’s Cupid!

Across the land, in salons and bathrooms as far as the eye can see, people are busy waxing their nipples, pruning their undercarriages and polishing their sausages… all in the name of Valentine’s Day. What an incredible sight. It makes you proud to be British…or Scottish…or Bavarian….or whatever nationality your particular rudey-bits belong to.

I’ve noticed people seem to be a little more excited than usual this year. Not sure why. Perhaps it’s because doom and gloom seem to follow the human race around like a bulldog’s fart at the moment, but Valentine’s Day gives us an excuse to do something squidgy and nice for a change.

I must admit, last week I was more toey-than-a-roman-sandal about the whole thing. Up until last Friday I didn’t have a date, or even alternative plans to go out with my single lasses. Yikes!

But then, like a bolt of genuis from the God of Snogs, I remembered Jack – a chap I went out with several months ago – he went on a 3-week holiday to Jamaica after our third date and by the time he returned I’d moved onto someone new (big shock). So last weekend I buzzed that chap right up and invited him over for a bit of Valentine nosh (supper that is). Now I can sigh a big phew of relief that everything is set for Cupid’s Arrow to strike.

I don’t really know what I was getting myself in a tizz about anyway. Whenever I’ve not had a date, I’ve been out with my chums and had a cracking time – usually meeting some lovely male types on their own ‘anti-Valentine’ mission. Or, I’ve decided that if the world shan’t offer up on a plate a boy for me to snuggle, then I should just get out there and set about meeting a new boy myself. There’s nowt more irritating than a single dude or dudette whining on for hours, like the hideous screech of air slowly releasing from a balloon, about being single, but doing precisely ‘chiff all’ about it. Morons.

If you haven’t got a date but you’ve got the savvy to get off your buttocks and change your situation, then here’s a keerraazzy idea – why not spend Valentine’s Day on Flirtomatic?! Before your very eyes you will find a feast of delicious morsels, all ready and willing to reciprocate your cheeky little flirtatious ways. Perfect.

In fact, it sounds more exciting than sharing a bit of dodgy old steak and a bottle of cheap plonk with Jacky-boy. Maybe I’ll ditch him and spend the evening with you lot…whatcha reckon Flirt Fans…fancy being my Valentine?

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