Have you ever bare-face lied on a date? Of course you have. And if you say you haven’t you’re lying right now, and we’re not even on a date. Weirdo.

Anyway, the point is, we all do it.

I must confess I once told a chap I was the illegitimate daughter of Paul Daniels.

I’m not.

And as far as I know Mr. Daniels does not have any illegitimate sprogs, but for some topsy-turvy reason I thought this would impress him.

He wasn’t even a looker. In fact he had a dish like a lobster’s armpit, but my pride prompted me to do anything within my power to make him drool over me – including pretending to be related to an 80’s TV icon!

And that’s the sole reason why we lie; to impress. Whether or not we give a monkey’s spank about the other person is irrelevant, we still want them to think we’re the cat’s bananas.

Funny little creatures, aren’t we.

Usually of course I would berate anyone telling porky-pies, but when you’re in the first flushes of dating it’s almost like being in an alternative universe. You can tell a pan full of fibs, and in turn, so can they…

…. So he says he’s one of the UK’s leading plastic surgeons? Pah, lies. The closest he’s ever come to plastic surgery is the time he removed a dismembered doll’s head from his nephew’s snoz.

Reckons she loves classic literature and poetry does she? Balls. She enjoys telling dirty limericks after guzzling vats of wine and occasionally she’ll flick through Heat magazine whist waiting for the shopkeeper to hand over her ciggies.

It doesn’t matter though. It doesn’t make them, or us, bad people. In fact any one of these Pinocchios may turn out to be your ‘forevermore Stickle-brick’. It’s just that you need to get past the lies and face up to each other’s nose-picking, soap-watching, fish finger-munching truth.

Just remember however, that as you discover ‘the real them’, they, in turn, discover ‘the real you’. So for each time you find them chucking a milk bottle in the trash instead of the recycling when ‘saving the planet’ is allegedly their passion, remember that yesterday you scoffed a Big Mac …and you’re supposed to be a vegetarian.

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