Ladies, it’s time to warm up your best screaming lungs, practice your over-arm fling and stock up on under-crackers because… THE CHIPPENDALES ARE BACK! Woo hoo……or is it?

For those of you who don’t remember, The Chippendales were a gaggle of shaven-chested, orange-toned, chisel-jawed gents who gyrated their pelvises on stage whilst slowly removing items of clothing until all but a scraggy string of Lycra separated their little winkles from the slack-jawed dribbling faces of their baying female fans. Some 15 years ago the girls of this fine nation went barking mad for these chaps. They were the hottest things in England since we stopped burning witches at the stake – and it seems the current ‘revival culture’ that brought back Take That, The Spice Girls and even New Kids on The Block, has made the wallets of said pelvis-artists twitch in earnest and now, they return once more, for a knicker-wettingly exciting tour of the UK. Delightful.

One hopes however, the chaps that appear on stage this time round aren’t actually the same men who swiveled those hips the first time – nobody needs a Dad look-a-like wiggling his wrinkly chipolata affront their peepers – urghh.

Although there are plenty of lasses out there who are jumping out of their skins to see these hunks of beef I, sadly, am not one of them. I’m just not a fan of that ‘in-your-face’ sexuality. I much prefer the ‘subtle manliness’ approach. I find a quick glance at a pair of jeans drawn taut over the muscular thigh of a man building a fire much more tummy quivering. Or perhaps the sneaky peek of a builders lower back as his t-shirt rides up over his tool belt. Yum. Totally sexy, but not in a ‘look at me, look at my testicles, aren’t they big and hairy’, type way.

So for all you chaps out there who may be feeling a smidge insecure about the blatant display of sexuality this Chippendales revival may bring, nay yee fret. Go for subtly lads, it’s definitely the more sensible and much foxier option.

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