Way back in 2005, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, I worked for a chap who would take it upon himself to order my food whenever we had lunch. He didn’t ask what I fancied or whether I disliked anything, he would just instruct the waiter to take away my menu, as I wouldn’t need it, and make a choice for me. And because he was the boss I had bugger all choice but to suck it up. Grrrr.

Some friends suggested he did this out of misplaced chivalry, however I knew better, he did it because he is a great aching backside of a human being and enjoyed welding his self-appointed importance over others.

The tit.

Not that it matters now, it’s been some years since I had to endure a plate of grilled faggots on his whimsy, but his ways made me consider the very fine balance between chivalry and what can actually be quite rude…it’s a very thin line and often dependent on the person entirely.

Some ladies, for example, respond to having a door opened for them with a small smile and an appreciative ‘thank you’, others react as if you’ve just offered them a glass of your still warm wee-wee. Personally I think that opening doors and pulling out chairs are just damn fine manners and as it goes, reacting badly to somebody who has been kind enough to do such a thing for you, extraordinarily rude.

The only problem for me really comes when a gent is making choices on my behalf or thinking only of what he wants…under the guise of chivalry.

I once had a cracking boyfriend who considered it extremely selfish to buy a lady underwear for her birthday. He reckoned that when a man purchases undercrackers as a birthday present he is thinking only of ogling her bazongas, disregarding completely the fact that she’d probably prefer a Columbo box-set.

That’s not to say he didn’t believe in buying underwear at all, hell no, it’s just that he bought fancy little pieces as random gifts for no other reason that he wanted to see me prance around in something nice, how fantastic – although that aluminum peep-bra did chafe more than one would have liked…

So chaps, in my oh so humble opinion, the key here is just to be considerate. Good manners and a gentlemanly touch are the way forward. Overbearing, forceful selfishness are out. But I’m not sure I need to tell you this, you lot are a savvy bunch and I’m quite positive none of my dear fellow Flirtos would act like the steaming great winkie my ex-boss did, and that, my friends, is what makes you so damn fabulous.

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