Tabasum and Dan, like so many of you, got chit-chattering online when she eyeballed his foxylicious profile, and after a few weeks of coy flirtations they agreed to meet. Smashtastic.

So Tabasum popped on her best frock, rouged her cheeks, waxed her buttocks and set out to meet the mysterious Dan….

Well after the initial ‘hi, are you..?…no?…oh…er…it must be you..?’ type shenanigans, she finally located him and he suggested going for a coffee. Now, our Tabasum is many things, but a coffee drinker she is not – to start with it turns her into a hyper-craz-o-loon – even the mere whiff of a roasted bean will set her chasing her own hind quarters like a dog with a bit of sausage sellotaped to it’s tail.

So she suggested a small alcoholic bevvie instead, but no, he would not concede to her request, and I supposed that’s fair enough too, not everyone wants to throw booze down their neck at every given opportunity. The compromise was that they would go to a bar so she could have a glass of her precious Mother’s Ruin and he could order a coffee. Job done.

You might assume that would be the end of it and now they’d be able to crack on with their date…but I’m afraid, for our dear Tabasum, that simply wasn’t to be…

After sitting down with their respective bevvies this idiotic monkey kicked off his conversation by explaining exactly why he believes women shouldn’t drink. He banged on about the aging effects of drinking on the skin and how women should look after their looks by being tee-total…he then ended his lecture by telling Tabasum that if she had gone for the coffee option she probably wouldn’t have ‘that fat little paunch of a belly’. Can you even imagine!

Now lets put aside the matter of whether this stink-bag is right or wrong, we may find that there is some truth to it, we may not, but the real problem here is the sort of chap who considers it acceptable to be so chiffing rude.

Well, poor old Tabasum didn’t know what to do with herself….for about two seconds that is…and then she did what any self-respecting lass would do, she calmly put down her glass, and said ‘I really don’t think there is any point in continuing with this date’ and left. Quite right too.

Flirtomatic is a magical tool for bringing new chaps and chappesses into your lives, but, sadly, for a precious few of you, this magic will all turn to dust should you not temper the nonsense that flops from your crazy mouths!

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