“Well would you just lookee-here. It’s you again!

Gosh, don’t you look well! How are you? How’s your Mum? Have you managed to sort out that unseemly in-growing hair since last we spoke?”…

I don’t half enjoy a good old chinwag and I’ll happily natter on to anybody – no matter how well I know them.

No so my friend Alex.

She’s a perfectly delightful old fruit but unless she is fully acquainted with a person she shan’t bother with so much as a ‘how do you do’.

Lets say we are on a night out, I’ll have my peepers on full alert for any boys with the ‘hummana hummana’ factor, whilst simultaneously chattering away to the ‘not so much with the good looks and charm’ fellas that invariably one must battle through until finding a chap with all the suitable requirements. Alex, however, will stand in silence next to me as I chat away to whomever, with a look as serious as a henchman wearing a barbed-wire overcoat, instantly putting down and dismissing any bloke who she deems ‘unsuitable’.

The daft thing is that she’s batting off the chaps she doesn’t like the look of in order to more swiftly find a guy whose giblets she does fancy tickling – but because every pair of eyes can see her harsh treatment of those other gallant contenders, like a trickle of snot under a sprog’s nostril, the stream of approaching chaps quickly dries up. So our Alex never actually meets anybody at all – let alone said wished for ‘owner of ticklish giblets’.

She’s not a mean person, in fact she’s downright delightful, it’s just that she doesn’t like wasting her time talking to dudes she’s not interested in…and I suspect that this is an attitude that might trip up more than young Alex alone…

Yes yes, I know that sometimes it’s beyond tedious to talk to the idiotic pleb-buckets in whom you would only be interested if your head was aflame and they were the only person holding the last thimble-full of water in the entire universe, but, be aware my friends, that should you have been clocked by a gentleperson altogether more appropriate, the merest hint of unfriendliness on your part will make you appear as unapproachable as an angry dwarf waving a pool cue. So, annoying though it might be, always beam with happiness at anyone who shows you interest, make the effort to engage in an appropriate smattering of chit-chat, chuckle at their widdle-poor jokes, and then send them on their way – but nicely – because for all you know, the perfect man could be assessing your wares mere meters away – and hissing venom like a hook-nosed witch with an attitude problem is going to see him pick up his perfectly formed giblets and run so far away they will become nowt but tiny dots on the horizon – well out of your tickling range!

Be Sociable, Share!

•