Ladies, ever been leered at by a man in his late 40’s who believes that just because his coconut is still populated with thick, wavy locks he is the owner of eternal youth and convinced he can still pull even the most glamourous young lady? Yes? Course you have. We all have.

Fortunately most of us know how to put such a man in his place – with barely concealed pity and disgust etched onto our faces we politely but firmly tell him to “bugger–the–hell–off”.

It’s a shame that these ‘gentlefellows’, whose accumulation of years should have given them experience, knowledge and sophistication (the very things a lady’s heart – and pants – keenly desire), so often disregard it all in favour of waving their metaphorical winkie in our faces in the hope we’ll be impressed.

A sorry state of affairs when men behave in this manner – even worse when it’s a woman!

We’ve all seen them, those sexually aggressive females in their middle years who’ve spent too much time watching American Pie and developed the bonkers theory that all young men need a MILF experience!

They don’t.

Most of these ladies are, in reality, decidedly saggy round the gizzards (in case you’re wondering, yes, that is a polite way of saying ‘boobs’), or they are resplendent in hues of plastic, from eyelid–implants to fake¬–toenails. Yuck.

Again, it’s not the genuinely elegant and attractive older lady I’m bashing here, no no, it’s the ones whose brains have taken a serious turn for the worse and prey on unwitting young men in a somewhat sinister fashion – with the belief that ever brighter shades of red lipstick and a skirt that recedes in length with every passing birthday will halt the ravishes of time.

Oh those poor male victims. They don’t know what to do with themselves. Perhaps initially flattered by the attention, you can, if you watch closely, sometimes see the very moment that flattery turns to terror – their eyes widen and their faces pale – often after their ears have received information about a burning passion for rubbing lard into intimate places… or some such hideously frightening statement.

Of course most lads, if raised by parents who believe in good manners and clean underpants, will find it difficult to reject an older lady, feeling that it is perhaps disrespectful.

But boys, I urge you, should you find yourself in such a scenario, be firm, and reject those advances in no uncertain terms…or if all else fails run, run for the hills.

That is my advice, take it if you will – unless, of course, you quite fancy standing starkers in a lavender scented bedroom smearing cooking grease onto the bare flesh of a woman with nipples that rest upon her upper thighs. Each to their own my friends, each to their own.

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